Friday

Friday just sucked.
It started Thursday night about 11:30pm.
Thursday was the five month anniversary of the accident.
I watched some Grey's Anatomy and then just started crying.
I could not stop.
The episode was way too close to home.
As I could not sleep, the crying bled into Friday knowing that it was my eleven month wedding anniversary.
Knowing that February is only a few days away when the big one year mark is there.
Knowing February last year was so fun and so exciting.
Knowing that in February will also be the anniversary of six months without him.
Half a year without him.

Then I just could not catch my breath.
So I started to freak out even more.
What if I pass out?
What if I do not wake up?
Will someone miss me in time?

All day Friday, I kept just thinking about last year.
About how much I miss him.
About how it is unfair that I do not have my husband.
About how we would wake up on our month anniversaries and ask each other if we knew what day it was.
I struggled to just get through the day.
I almost cried at every junction.
I struggled to get through normal school life.

Then since my master bedroom was being painted, the wedding photos above our bed had to come down.
I could not even do it.
The guy painting the room had to take them down for me.
I almost did not want to touch them.

As Friday drew to a close, I had dinner with some friends.
And as I sat there with my friend's parents, I thought how I will never grow older with Roger.
How our newlywed period was way too short.

I hate anniversary week.
One more to go on Wednesday...