9 Months

This should really be written tomorrow but I just want to get it out of my head.

I am nine months through the first year as of tomorrow.

Seventy-five percent.

3/4.

It does not seem possible at moments.

But yet my life is so different than a year ago.

Than nine months ago.

Than four months ago.

I feel like I can at least breathe most days.

I feel like I have my head back on most days.  

This anniversary does not feel overwhelming.

Which is good.  

Of course it is tomorrow and I am in today.

So we will see what tomorrow is really like.

But standing in today, I do not feel the huge weight of another sort of big anniversary.

The other good thing is I am almost "graduating" from counseling.  

My last scheduled session is on Tuesday.

By the time next week is here, I will have gone five weeks without it.

It was a test to truly see if I am ready.

To give me some data to bank on.  

To prove to myself I can do this.  

And guess what, I can do this.

I can do this.

I am learning to accept grief.

I am learning to let it do what it needs.

I am learning not to question what it needs.

I am learning to accept where I am in negative and positive ways.  

I know I will never get over this.

I know I will and do still cry.

I know I will never forget him.

But time is making each day a tiny bit easier.

Each month is getting a tiny bit tolerable.  

And soon I will be looking back at an entire year.  

Soon very soon.