He worked for the cable company at the time so he had all the bells and whistles when I met him.
He was so spoiled when it came to internet, television, and digital phone.
With all those tricks, I fell in love with the DVR concept.
Even before I fell for him.
No more commercials. No more waiting for the correct show time. Or even knowing the correct show time.
Since he was so spoiled and he liked television a lot, he had a lot of shows to be recorded.
And movies.
Sci-fi. Comedies. Vampire-related. Crime shows. Dance related movies.
The boy had many interests.
Some of these we watched together.
Some I watched alone.
Some he watched alone.
Some I just watched just for him and some he watched just for me.
And right now in my head, I can hear him saying the word compromise.
I cannot define my reasoning but I almost immediately cancelled some of the shows from recording.
I did not want to see them on the list. So cancelled they were.
And some things he had recorded, I deleted.
Go away I say.
But there was one thing I could not delete - the Nancy Drew movie.
It kept lingering.
Why?
I don't know.
He recorded it on August 11th.
I do not even remember him telling me about this.
I remember seeing it on the list though and laughing to myself.
I am not even sure if he watched it before the world exploded.
Maybe he was waiting for me? Maybe he watched it but saved it for me?
I ended up watching it a while back.
It sucked.
I hated it.
Then, last week, I deleted it.
Something so silly makes me cry.
But seeing it was more painful.
I think.
Not seeing it is weird and a little less painful.
I think.
As I saw the date creeping up, I just did not want it to be there for a year or more.
So I quickly highlighted it, hit "OK", then scrolled to "Erase", and "OK" again.
Magically it disappeared. Gone. In seconds.
I threw the remote on the sofa.
I do hope he saw it.
I would have hated to delete it without him watching it even though I know he could not watch now if he wanted to.
Weird wife-whose-husband-died thing I guess.
But it is gone.
Like him, it is gone.
Now the list is just my stuff.
Martha Stewart. Jimmy Fallon. And some other characters.
Although some of "my" stuff I inherited from him.
No more compromise.
And all those bells and whistles, mostly gone now too.
Except for the DVR of course.
2 comments:
I still cant watch Survivor because my husband and I got into the show the year it came out. He died shortly after the first season ended. Everytime I hear the theme music, my stomach churns, still. I admittedly have watched it some after he died, but it was too emotional so I stopped. It's weird. But we got so into that show, we made a huge deal about it when it was on. This was before DVRs... ;)
I tried to watch some of my husband's shows after he died. I had some weird sense of responsiblity. I thought it might help me feel more connected to him. It took quite a while until I finally cleared all his shows off the TIVO and added the ones only I wanted. It is sometimes weird what we women who loose our husbands think and do isn't it?
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