Sunday, May 17, 2009

Grey's Anatomy

I really do like this show.
After working indirectly with the healthcare industry for eleven years, I like watching and seeing the hospital environment.
But seriously, I think there should be a warning to widows about each episode.
Like a the MPAA system for movies.  

The season finale should have been a X-rated.
I knew it was going to be sad.
They have been working up to it all season.
And I have pretty much cried through this entire season with different characters and story lines.  
Thursday's was probably the worst (besides the first one of the season which I may have wrote about).  
Complete sobbing with almost an inability to stop.

Yes, the story was sad.
But the "moral" of the story was what got me.
The main character, Meredith, talked about how people have to tell their loved ones how much they are loved.  Make a plan.
Before it is too late.
Before it is too fucking late.

I still cannot get over how I did not tell Roger that morning.
He stood there expressing his love to me.
Telling me how he was doing all this stuff for me.
And all I did was smile.  
I stood there and smiled!!
Yes, I know I know - "Oh, Roger knew how you felt."
Blah blah blah.
But it does not change the fact I did not tell him that morning.
THAT morning.  Of all mornings.
When he could still hear me.
When he could still understand me.
And do not give me the "Oh, he could hear you while he was in the coma."
Actually no, he couldn't.
That part of his brain was so far gone.  
So no, he did not hear me or understand me.  
If I talked to him, it was for me.  

I will continue to watch this show.
Even without the widow warning system.
Even if it makes me cry.
Even if it hurts a little.


Suddenwidow said...

I felt the same way after watching Grey's on Thursday! Not that I wouldn't have watched it, but maybe being a little prepared would have meant a few less tears and not such an overwhelming feeling at the end of the show. But I found myself thinking that my sobs over a TV show are helping to heal me, one tear at a time, just like all the other millions of tears that I'm shedding.

The last morning with my husband also leaves me with some regrets, as I wish I had held him tightly in my arms and professed how deeply I loved him as he walked out the door to work, only to collapse minutes later. I can totally relate to your blah, blah, blah in response to people saying "but he knew you loved him". I know he knew as I told him all the time, but it would be so comforting to have a different video playing in my head from my last time with him in our home. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Star. Once again it's comforting to know that someone else out there knows what I'm feeling.

netekay said...

Count me in on Grey's being hard to watch last week. I too bawled most of the way through it. And I have also had to stop watching Ghost Whisperer too.

I hope that when David passed away, he knew how much I loved him, even though at that moment, all I could do was stare in disbelief. Earlier in the evening, about 1:30 am, I came out into the living room and he was working on the computer. I asked him how long he'd be up and he said he was coming to bed in a couple.

I said that I loved him and went back to bed. And at 5:30 am, he was gone.

I am glad to see that there are others of us out here who understand these feelings. Take care!

Ann said...

I have the Grey's finale TIVO'ed and haven't seen it yet. I guess I'm prepared now. . .will still watch. . . can't help myself. Like Suddenwidow, tears help me heal. They connect me to the rest of the human race who, even though I feel like I have the corner on grief, I’m beginning to see my story is not as rare as it should be. Like you, Star, my marriage was only months old (14) when my husband died suddenly. I felt cheated and knew no one who I felt sorrier for. Time (almost three years now) has eased that and has allowed me to find other’s who warrant my sympathy and understanding. I wish you the best.