Sunday, May 31, 2009

Grocery Store

I do not go much to the grocery store.
There is not much of a need.
I am trying to save money and eat what I already have.
When I do buy groceries, I get the same items just so I do not have to think about what I am eating.
And I rarely cook a real meal so what do I need food for.  [Although I do miss cooking.]

I really have not had a hard time with grocery shopping lately.  In the first few months of grief, it was one of the hardest tasks me for and I cried almost every time.
So now, mostly I go in.
Get some stuff.
And leave.

But today, sigh...
I did not really want to go.  
That was the first thing.
I remembered coming home from work and having to go to the grocery store.
I would be complaining about it.
Trying to figure out ways to get around it.
Then Roger started doing this thing.
He would volunteer to meet me there if I wanted.
He could get some exercise by walking and I would have company.
Plus he would get all those snacks I would not buy if left alone.
He would push the cart since I hate pushing the cart.  
If left alone, I will drag the cart through the store versus pushing it.  
It was the perfect deal for me.
And maybe for him too.

For some reason, today I just had tons of memories walking through the store.
The second thing was the cereal aisle.  
I have started eating cereal a bit here and there.
Still not the habit I had before.  
Still not the love I had for it before.
I saw the oatmeal out of the corner of my eye and tried not to think about eating any of that.
For some reason, just the thought of oatmeal makes me queasy.  I had it everyday at work for breakfast.  
Roger was not even at work but somehow there is an association.  
Previous life association perhaps?  

As I was just staring at the rows and rows of cereal, my stomach started to churn.  
I thought I was going to vomit.
I just wanted to pick something.
And quick.
Honey Nut Cheerios it was.  
Not my all time favorite but it will do.  
I still cannot think about my past favorites.  
I wonder if I will ever enjoy them again.

Third was the frozen pizza aisle.
I am a fan of frozen pizza.
It is a quick meal.
We did lots of frozen pizzas.  
We took turns picking them out.
Roger liked Tombstone brand.
I like pretty much all others.  
I cannot look at the Tombstones.  
Just makes me sad.  

I escaped from the grocery store.
No crying thankfully.

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