Tuesday, June 9, 2009

"Clean House"

On the Style channel, there is this show called "Clean House."
Roger and I watched it a lot.  
I am not sure how we found it exactly.
I am not sure which of us found it first.  
Let's just say it was me to save some of Roger's maleness.  

The premise of the show is these people live in the ultimate mess.  
Their houses are filled to the brim.  Not just a room or attic space.  Their entire houses.
They are pack rats on the maximum end of the spectrum.  
It was crazy to see these people's homes.
Sometimes it was just gross.  Sometimes they were not the cleanest people on top of the pack rat-ness.  
The show would come in, help them sort their crap, make some money, and re-do a few rooms of their house.

Roger loved to point out that he was not as messy as them and I should be grateful.
"At least I am not that messy."
"Yes dear. You are not that messy."

Some of the people on the show were on the edge of crazy.
They had some serious obsessions with their things.  
During the course of the show, some people would realize their own craziness.
Some people did not.  

The show had this very saucy host too.
Niecy Nash and she was awesome.  
She was outspoken and dressed to the nines most of the time.  
But she would try to help these poor souls come to their senses and sometimes used bribery to help them rid themselves of their stuff.  

A lot of these people held onto their stuff because it belonged to their recently deceased relative.
Their mom's sewing machine that was beyond repair.
Their dad's unopened mail from 1979.
I do not think I ever saw a widow on the show but I was not looking for one either.
But Ms. Nash would help them realize it was just stuff.
Just materialistic things, not the person.
Not their memories of that person.  

Last week, I wrote about how I was creating "Roger-free" zones.  
I would like to clarify a few things.
It is just stuff to me.  And from watching this show with Roger, I know he would agree.  
Nothing will ever take away my memories of Roger.
I am not trying to rid him out of my life.  
I do not think I could even if I wanted to.
And I certainly do not want to at all.
Roger made his impact on me.
And there will be things and stuff I always hold on to.  
I may take down the pictures, but I will not be burning them in a bonfire on the front lawn.  
But for me, I cannot keep looking at the pictures of my happy previous life.
For me, I must make my home my own.  
For me, this is the way I am moving forward.  
For me, this is how I am making myself comfortable in my home.  
For me, this is how I will hopefully make others comfortable in my home.

Eventually, I will meet another man.
And I will do all the fun happy couple stuff again.
I will make new additional memories.
But nothing will take away my Roger memories.  
Not even purging a bit of his things.  
Not even cleaning house.


Rick said...

Awesome Post!!!
Thank you for sharing. What you write, I feel also.

I started to clear some of my wifes clothes recently from our closet and she passed away 8-19-08. It is hard. Stay strong!!

Roger will always live in your heart no matter what!!

Mars Girl said...

I got so crazy trying to make Mike-free zones that I had to completely move out of the house we shared together. So I know what you mean. I seriously thought the house was making me crazy. I moved to a completely different city and lived in an apartment for awhile. It really helped for me. Not everyone can do that, though. Especially in this housing market. But I'm glad I could. It's what I needed to do at the time.