It still has that new feeling. Like how the new car smell lingers for awhile.
I still have a slight delay when I write my name.
I even have it when I say my name.
And when I yell at myself for doing something stupid or silly, I still use my maiden name.
Like when I forget to turn on the dryer and leave wet clothes in it for twenty-four hours.
My new name just is not natural quite yet.
I mean, I was with my maiden name for over twenty-seven years.
If more odd...
Introducing myself to potential dates with my new last name.
"Hi, my name is Star X."
I would not have my new name if it was not for Roger.
If I had not been married before.
Yet I would not be dating had he not passed away.
It just feels odd.
I almost want to tell them both.
"Well, my name used to be this. But now it is this."
But I am proud of my new name.
I am proud because it made me Roger's wife.
And I am still Roger's wife.
It meant we were finally married.
We did it.
And I was finally married.
Me, the commitment phobia girl.
Yet here I am dating (again).
I am Roger's wife dating other people.
I do not feel guilty.
Just odd at some points.
Like how can this be.
A year ago things were so different.
I was in a different place.
Very odd indeed.