End of a Chapter

Today was the last day of my grief counseling sessions.

An end of another chapter.

A nice ending at that.  

And sweet relief in a way.  

I remember about eight weeks ago when my counselor first suggested I was ready.

I was in shock.

I felt like there was no way I was ready.

She was my safety net.

And I needed my safety net.

I needed my weekly session to vent and cry and blabber.

So knowing I need data for almost everything in my life, we planned an experiment.

The first step was two weeks away from her.

And I survived.

Even with getting the final court order and all the emotions that it evoked.

I survived.

I was able to handle myself.

I was able to get through a bad moment with grace.

Her second step of the "experiment" was to go four weeks without her.

Which ended up being five weeks due to my school schedule.

And again, I did it.

I was able to figure out what I needed, express what I needed, and execute what I needed.  

Wow.  

I can do this.

I can cope on my own.

And by "on my own" I mean without a professional.

I still need my friends and family.

I still need to keep up with blogging.

And I still need to do the things that work for me.

My counselor was great as always.

She told me how she was proud of me.

She told me how great it was to see the old Star reemerging.  

Something else she noticed and I have noticed lately as well is I am no longer defined by the word "widow."  

In the beginning of this journey, it was a box I had been thrown into.  

I was trapped there.

But I am busting out of that definition and into me, me, me.  

So now, I have an hour back of my life each week.

I was able to walk out of the clinic with my head high today instead of big puffy eyes I had a few months ago.  

I even found myself smiling back at her as I left.  

I am okay.  

I am good.

And that was the best investment I have ever made in myself.

I will survive and I will thrive.