My (yes "My") seven month wedding anniversary is today.
It was greeted by:
"Crap, its 8:53am and I need to be at the Social Security office at 9:35am"
I arrived at the Social Security office at 9:32am thanks in part to Mr. Scott
(Thank you so much for helping me)
My lovely self forgot to actually turn the alarm on even though I set it for the correct time.
I didn't even take drugs last night.
Yes and it took forever and a day to actually fall asleep.
Then it happened...
I cried for the second time at the Social Security office.
"Marriage ended by death on 8/28/2008"
I know I said the vows "Death do us part" but today it was for real.
Death did end our marriage.
Death did part us.
It just feels like I didn't have a choice in the matter.
People who get divorced have a choice.
I hate not having choices.
I loved being married.
I keep remembering the picture of us lighting our unity candle.
The symbol of us becoming one.
Am I half now?
Every day I debate putting it upstairs in the closet with the rest of the "wedding" related memorblia.
Right now it haunts me but yet it comforts me to see the candles unlit sitting in the cute niche that made us buy this house. "This niche is perfect for your wedding picture."
I also learned last week that per the IRS terms I was never married.
Unless of course I get married between now & December 31, 2008 which I do not foresee happening.
It kinda makes me feel like it was just a figment of my imagination.
It was all a dream.
So I sit here on my anniversary.
Gently rubbing Roger's wedding band between my thumb and forefinger.
I love the smoothness of the metal.
It reminds me of the first time holding his hand when he had it on.
It felt so odd to have this metal thing on his finger interlaced with mine.
It wasn't a dream. It was the best time of my life.