Wednesday, September 24, 2008

A regret yet a blessing

Two Tuesdays before the accident, Roger was on call till the following Tuesday (the one right before the accident). It was a really rough on call. He got called almost every day and night.
He kept getting woke up in the middle of the night.
He was so happy after that on call was over.

But since he really couldn't do anything, I went out a lot with my friends.
On Wednesday, August 13, I went to dinner with Veena, Jody, and Jon.
I didn't get home till late.
On Friday, we went to dinner and out to City Walk for Jon's last day at AHS and didn't get home until super late.
On Saturday & Sunday, Roger worked a lot.
We did get the chance to buy fabric for the master bedroom curtains.
But of course on the way to Lowes, called again.
The week of the accident, I think I went out once more.
I also went to the gym on Wednesday night.
Then Thursday night, I was late getting home because of getting my hair chemically straightened.

Had I known, I would have spent every minute with my darling husband.
I wouldn't have left his side.
I would have told him over and over again how much I love him.
How much I appreciated him.
What a great husband he was.
How much I loved his aquarium stand.
How proud I was of him.
His head would have been huge.
He would have been walking on air.
I didn't know.
I don't even remember what he was wearing that Friday.
I don't remember what we were even talking about when I saw the other car.

Here is where I step up onto my soap box.
I have always been a firm, firm believer that you can't abandon your friends and family once you have a significant other.
You can not just forget about all those people once you are married.
You just can't.
You must keep your friends.
You must make the time for them.
I do not know what I would do without the support of my friends and family right now.
Your husband can be your best friend but he can not be your only friend.
You just never know what the future has in hold for you.
And even if you live happily married for years and years and years, friends will only make your life better.
Stepping off soap box now.

Part of me regrets not spending every moment of last three years with Roger.
Part of me regrets not remembering exactly what he had on & what he was saying the day of the accident but I can't blame myself.
However boys and girls, my friends are the biggest blessings.
They keep me lifted up.
One of the 100 sympathy cards I received talked about how to let go and just let my friends be my wings and keep me lifted up.
And trust me, right now, if it were not for my fabulous friends, I don't know where I would be.


Joanne said...

Star, there was no way to have known. Roger knew that you loved him more than words could say.

You're a beautiful person with a kind heart - that's why it's no surprise to me that you have so many wonderful people that love you.

Sending you my love,


Candise H said...

Star, Joanne is so right, there is not a doubt in my mind that Roger knew exactly how much you loved and cared for him. He knew how much the relationship you two shared meant to you and how much your cherished it. Don't be regretting what you did have with him. It may not have been every minute of everyday, but I can bet most of those times you two were apart you both were thinking about one another, so when it came time to reunite it meant even more to you both. When in doubt just always remember the TRUE bond and meaning you two had! Hold it close to your heart, because that is where Roger will ALWAYS be!

Im also glad that you have so many friends that have helped you through this, and of coarse our crazy family, lol. But really, Im so glad you made time for your friends before this accident, that was just your personality, you are very loyal! And because of the wonderful person you are, that is why it is so easy for people to open their hearts to you. We all consider you a very dear friend!

Love you always!!!!!

Anonymous said...

That was so well put Star! And the reason you have so many friends, is that YOU are such a good friend!

Holly said...

I completely agree, having friends and family still in your life is very important. And having you as my friend is very important to me. :D

Craig Meyer said...

Roger always had tough on-calls. We used to joke around the office that no one should risk switching with him to avoid bringing his fate upon themselves. Funny actually, because Roger did more work to reduce the call volume that we received than all of the rest of us combined. I am on call right now and I really appreciate him for it even now. Ironic I guess...

-Craig (Roger's Co-worker at ACS)