Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Aquarium Stand

When I first met Roger he had his aquarium sitting on an entry/sofa table.
It had all the little aquarium stuff like rocks and little ceramic things.
Except, it had no water.
Very low maintenance aquarium there.

When we moved into the new house, I just didn't want to have it up like that again.
If we were going to have an aquarium, it would have water.
And maybe even fish if we were really lucky.
However, that entry/sofa table would never hold an aquarium with water.
It would just be way too heavy.

So we added to our "after wedding" purchase list an aquarium stand.
Our wedding came and went and we started on the purchase list.
We looked at some of the pre-built ones we could buy.
We liked about 0 of them.
They all looked way too cheap and just didn't seem nice enough.
We saw some online that we kinda liked but they were very very expensive.
And Roger being the manly man said to me "Ya know, I could probably just build one"
My answer: "Yes dear."

Roger started googling on what type of wood and and the measurements and such.
He made some excel spreadsheets.
He made some drawings.
He asked my opinion on designs.
We went and bought some wood.
Roger started building.

One Friday night, he was out there in the garage working. I went out to check on him and he had a frame. But he needed help making it level. So I helped him make it sorta level.
I went back inside to do my stuff.
An hour later, I went back outside and it was in pieces.
I asked Roger what happened and he said "It wasn't level enough so I'm starting over."
"Yes dear."

It became his little project (along with about 100 other projects he had going).
It had some project scope creep but it was okay.
He even added his new invented "signature" to the wood after a jigsaw mistake - a key hole.
(Sidenote: Roger loved old fashioned keys & locks)

After Roger's death, it was very hard to walk into the garage to see this beautiful aquarium stand. It was almost complete.
I am really sad that he'll never finish it.
It breaks my heart that he will never see it to completion.

On Tuesday, Sean & Deb came over. Sean sanded it all for me.
It was so odd to hear noises coming from the garage. It has been over a month.
Tonight I conditioned the wood cause the stain can told me too.
Then I stained it. Roger kept joking that I'd be doing this task.
We also used to joke about who the aquarium stand belonged to.
Roger said it was mine. I said it was his.

It looks so nice now.
So much nicer than a store bought one.
It just hurts so much not to have him finishing it.
Today has just sucked for me.
I've just been so tired with no motivation.
I haven't wanted to do anything but yet I can't sit still at all or focus on anything.
I signed the paper today not to sue the other driver for wrongful death.
It made me want to vomit. I know its the right decision but it still feels horrible to have a dollar value on our life together.


Teri said...

Beautiful aquarium stand. All the money in the world couldn't begin to represent the value of the god-know-how-many years you and Roger would have had together. It must be so weird to have this treated as a "case"; something so official and impersonal.

I'm sending you e-hugs. And telepathic messages to Gadget and Gizmo saying to snuggle just a little bit closer to mommy today.

Candise H said...

Oh wow the stand looks so beautiful, and it will hold more value to you then just about anything else ever will. It is great that you have finished this project for Roger, and I hope to one day see it with a very dected out aquarium on it with some pretty fish. Use it has you two intented. I know Gadget and Gizmo will love it, the fish that is! LOL that should keep them busy most of the day! And it would be fun for you to watch how they react to it!

And a quick note on the legal form you signed, you are a VERY STRONG woman in order to do that. I just can't imagine how you felt signing that thing. I just have no idea if I could do that.

Love ya girl!!

Candise H said...

By the way I meant to mention the slide show you added. It's beautiful. I love it. My heart melts to see you two so happy together! What memories for you to cherish!!!!!

Vanessa :) said...

I'm so happy to hear that you have your aquarium stand, and it's gorgeous. Roger did a wonderful job as well as Sean & yourself.
Now you need some water, and perhaps a fishie ;)

And it's always OK to have a down day or even a few. Not all days will be cheery, but know that on ALL days I'll be here for you :)

Anonymous said...

And we'll be back to do the doors! Well, Sean will do them, I will talk to you and play with the kitties