Sunday, September 21, 2008

I was a bad wife...


I have a hard time with romantic gestures in words.
Ya know the ones.
Like "you complete me" in Jerry Macguire just makes me want to gag.
So even worse... when they happen to ME.

Even worse than that is that I would actually make gagging noises to my dear husband.
It goes along with not being able to accept compliments.
My love language is definitely not words by any means.
It just doesn't make me feel loved.
It makes me wonder why and what you really want.
It makes me wonder what is your alterior motive.
I'm much more of a touch person.
I like hugs and such from those I love.

And guess what? Roger was a words person.
Yep, I fell in love with my opposite. Imagine that.
It made an interesting relationship in the beginning.
I wanted him to touch me and he wasn't an affecionate person.
He wanted to me to talk about how much I loved him and I didn't want to talk.
We both started compromising.

I knew if I wanted to make Roger feel good, I just had to tell him what a great guy he was or to compliment him on something he did for me.
Roger knew if he wanted me to do something or feel loved he would need to touch me.
It was working out great.
When he would try to use words with me.
I tried to get better. I really did.
But I'd still catch myself putting my finger down my mouth as he tried to say something super uber romantic to me.
It was not a very good feature of my wife-ness.
More time and I promise I would have improved.
Well, I would have tried really hard.


Jaimie said...

Star, I have been following you blog since you started and I want to thank you for being so open and honest with something so incredibly personal. I feel like I learn something new, daily, from reading your entries.
With this entry, I completely understand what you mean. Shawn is like Roger and I am like you. I call it "Kissy, Kissy, Talky, Talky", and he laughs.

Candise H said...

Oh Star Im so with you on this! I still have yet to learn what Jason's true love language is, mine is touch, the words, well, Im just like you, I just dont really believe them! I also feel like he is up to something else, he wants something he just wont come out and say it! Sometimes I like it when we have really heart to heart conversations, but compliments aren't for me! I want to be held too! I want that closeness! But with the relationship you and Roger had Im so sure he knew exactly how you were and he probably did the sweet talky stuff to you just to get to you! LOL But he truly did touch you in one really special place, your heart and there he will always be!!

Love ya girl!!

Kitty Bear said...

Bluepoet again :) It's so strange that you write this now...mine and FI's 2 year anni is coming up soon. Before we met, he was rarely verbally or physically affectionate, and I'm very much the opposite! Since we have been together he has opened up significantly(lots of hugs and ALWAYS says "I love you" to me).

It's comforting to know that part of him has changed.

You and Roger
had something that worked for you, so that's all that matters!

Grace said...

Bad Wife? Are you kidding? He had a man cave! Two really and his office!!!! Now that is love. Giving up the bonus room so he could do his trianing up there. And a section of the garage for projects and an office which is bigger than your office. Wowsers! He was not always big on the sharing of his feelings. I think you brought so much out of him in that he wanted to share and hug... hugs... remember my speech? he never hugged us, before - Then all of a sudden, he hugged us and you and the cats! You got him to be huggy and affectionate. I know you dont see it, but you, my dear, were an awesome wife, he did things for you, taught you lessons, but you... you taught him lessons and helped him grow. You were an awesome wife.

Vanessa :) said...

I'm with Grace on this one- Star you were an AMAZING wife. You even let the man have 2 kittys instead of 1 :) that = AWESOME!

And I think we all do the 'gagging' at love thing. Sometimes the 'romantic' talk just seems a little silly. :) You're not alone on that one Estrellita.

MrsM. said...

Star. Thank you for opening up with all of these things. It not only gives us further insight into your marriage, but it helps teach the rest of us what the important things are.
Wes and I are the opposite. I'm the words girl and he is the affection guy. Comprimise in a relationship is key, and clearly you and Roger both wore off on each other a lot. I know that you were as good of a wife as Roger was a husband..