Saturday, September 27, 2008


I'm not pregnant!!
This is super good news.

I know everyone was so curious but I was just about as scared as I could be.
What if?
Can you imagine?
Can you imagine raising a child that was like Roger and looked like Roger?
Can you imagine dealing with pregnancy hormones and all the grief?

I think I would really just have a heart attack.
I would definitely be roaming some bridges around here.
How scary to be a single mom by death.

Roger and I both didn't really want children at this point in our lives.
We really wanted to enjoy our marriage first and then decide later.
The plan was to wait until we had been married for 5 years.
Maybe a slight check up point when I was 30ish but after the 5 year mark, one or both of us would be "fixed" in order to prevent any "Oops" baby.

Now it kinda feels strange too.
There are lots of items I would hold on to for a child's sake but I don't have Roger's children.
What do I do with things like his diplomas and passport and things like that.
Of course for now I'm keeping them.
But later?? I will probably just keep a trunk of his things and our wedding things.
I've already started putting some wedding things up there.

I did drive by the accident scene today.
It was hard but I had my friend Jennifer with me.
Just weird to drive by there.
To know thats the last place where our lives where somewhat normal.
Lots of deep breaths.
Lots and lots of deep breaths every day.

1 comment:

Candise H said...

Yes Congrates to this! Being a single mom while the dad is still somewhat around is still hard, so being a single mom due to death and then having the father never even knowing, oh wow that would be even harder! I can't even believe Roger had you to the point where there was even an option to have a baby!! But if that day ever does come, I know no matter what, that child would be raised by a great woman, no doubt about that! You have your head on right and you would be able to show a child the right guidance it needed to make it in today's world!

Love ya!!