Monday, February 23, 2009

One year

One year ago, I was celebrating one of the happiest days of my life.  
I was finally Roger's wife.
Life was so good.
I had married the best guy ever.

One year later, he is gone.

Today has not been awful.
Not quite as bad as I imagined.
But this is the first moment I have been alone all day.

There is this tugging.
A pulling at my heart.
A complete loss of control.
I hate not controlling things.  

I have felt this tugging before.
It is the same tugging I felt six months ago right after the accident. 
Six months and 1 day ago actually.
A feeling that I cannot do anything to make the situation better.
A feeling of complete loss.
A feeling of loving someone who is not here to return it.
And all I can do is breathe.
And breathing should be enough but it does not make the tugging less.  
It does not make the pain go away.  

Thank you for all the folks who have said prayers for me, got in contact with me, and just thought of me today.  
Because of you all, I am able to breathe.

3 comments:

Meghan said...

Hi Star....you're in my thoughts and prayers today.

Robyn said...

always in my prayers, star.... :)

Charlie said...

I came across your website from Steece's Pieces and your friend Holly and just wanted to say I am so sorry about your husband. I truly cannot imagine the pain.

I'm sending lots of support across the ocean for you. You seem such a lovely lady and your husband just fantastic. You are lucky to have had your time together and so many happy memories.