Friday, February 6, 2009

I hate February

It is less than three weeks from my one year anniversary.
It is less than two weeks till the most in-the-face-couple-showing holiday of the year.

I hate both of these days.
I hate this entire month.

I dread the Monday morning I have to wake up single and alone.
On my one year anniversary.
The anniversary I worked so hard to create.

I worked so hard to make sure I chose an appropriate husband.
I worked so hard at my goals to make sure I was ready to be married.
I did everything right.

Yet, here I am a year after planning the perfect day.
A year after we saved and spent a lot of money.
And I am alone.
Unmarried.

And where are most people I know right now?
Well, most of them will be married in the next thirty days.
Fuck.

I know I am not a failure at marriage but it sure does not feel like a success.
More of that grey area I guess. Just annoying. Very annoying.

How did I end up the single one?
How did I end up going home to a house with no one else but me?
How did I end up not having someone to ask me about my day?
How did I end up watching television alone?

The sad thing is I do not think most people get it.

Why could I not just get to the one year mark?
Ugh!

1 comment:

Live and Learn the Hard Way said...

This post made me cry. Hang in there. I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you.