Saturday, February 28, 2009

Six months

Wow, I just can hardly believe it.
Six whole long yet short months.

And I have been doing well for the last few days.
Even this morning and afternoon.
I will even admit to having fun last night.
Yet, it seemed as the sun starting setting, my stomach started to fall.

I want to scream.
I want to bang my fists on the desk.
I want a damn explanation for this.
This is just not right.

The worst part... I really did not make plans for today or tomorrow.  
I was so worried about getting through Monday that I forgot to arrange something for today.
And most of my friends are either out of town at the beach or at a wedding.

But really all I want to do is the same thing I did six months ago on this night.
I just want to crawl into bed.
Pull up the covers and just pretend this is not happening.

At the same time, it is not really my style.
I just not sure what I feel like doing.
I really would like to be held by the one person who could make it all better.
And he is the one person who is not here.
He is the damn reason for this feeling.
Damn him!

Damn the fucking guy who turned my life from happily married to sitting completely alone on a Saturday night.  
Damn fucking other driver who could not change his fucking tires.  
Fucking asshole.

This just is not fair.
Another extremely unfair thing is how soon I will be a widow longer than I have been married.  

Six fucking months... 

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