Saturday, November 15, 2008

I'm a knight

Wow.
It's (like most things these days) bittersweet.
Starting fall 2009, I will be attending University of Central Florida.
I'm excited.
I know Roger would be proud.
He would be right here pushing me to the finish line.
He was so encouraging of me to make me a better person.
To meet my goals.
And I'm finally doing it.

I will be able to put my shame to rest.
My one life regret of never finishing my bachelors.
Although, I still have lead a great life and had (past tense here) a great career, it is great to be starting over.

I'm trying hard not to feel guilty although sometimes it slips in.
If Roger was still alive, I wouldn't be here.
I would know this excitement and this happiness.
But I also wouldn't know this intense sadness, this intense weight on my shoulders, or this intense pain.

This is my silver lining.
This is not a cause and effect.
I did not wish for this exact situation to occur no matter how badly I wanted to go to school.
This is not my fault for praying for the ability to go to school full time.
I did not make this happen through prayer.
I am making the best of a horrible thing.
This is what Roger would want.
And I know he would be happy for me.
And proud of me.

So "Go Knights!!"
Go me!

1 comment:

Kitty Bear said...

Yay, Star! What will you be studying?