For what's worth...

Last week I went to church.

Alone.

Yes, I know people have said they would go with me but it means I would have to ask.

It means I would have to arrange the details of meeting up.

It means I would have to ask for help.

And what if at the last minute I decide to not go.

So I went alone.

It is easier logistically even if it is not emotionally.

I glanced around at all the other hundreds of people.

Not many people go to church alone.

Most are there with their husbands.

Or wives.

Or kids.

Or families.

Or boyfriends.

Or girlfriends.

Or maybe just friends.

Not me.  

I was there alone.

A lady sat next to me who was also alone.

She had on a wedding ring.

So she was just alone for whatever reason.

Her husband was probably just at home.

Mine is just dead.

The priest was taking about a speaker he had seen at a conference.

The speaker asked the audience who wanted a twenty dollar bill he was holding up.

Of course everyone wanted it.

The speaker crumbled it up.

Then he asked the audience who wanted it.

Everyone still wanted it.

Then the speaker took the twenty and stomped on it a few times.  

He asked the audience who still wanted the twenty dollar bill.

Everyone still wanted the twenty dollar bill.

The speaker and the priest's point was that the twenty dollar bill never lost its worth.  

No matter how beaten and torn and dirty, the twenty dollar bill was still worth twenty dollars. 

I started to cry.

I feel beaten.

I feel torn.

I feel bruised.

I am probably dirty.

But I am still worth the same as I was on August 21st.  

I am a great person.

I am still worth everything.  

I still deserve the best.  

No matter what I feel like.   

I still deserve to fall in love again.

To be another man's wife.