Monday, March 30, 2009

Most people would be excited...


... about officially owning a new house.
But it is not quite that feeling for me.
It is quite odd for me actually.

Today I received the paperwork officially declaring me the owner of Roger's other house.
I keep thinking how ironic this is.
How I always called it "Roger's house" and now it is mine.
Another one of Roger's jokes on me.
How I wanted "our house" and did not accept his house as ours. 
Yet now I have inherited Roger's house I rejected two years ago.  

It does not feel good to own another house.
It does not even feel okay.
It feels unfair.
It feels unsatisfying.  

I will be thirty years old next year.
And I will own two houses.
But single.
I always had a couple of sayings about being thirty.
First, I wanted to own a house.  
Goal done, two fold.
Second, not to be divorced.
Goal done as well yet still single against my will.

But meeting these goals does not feel good.
They do not make me feel better about myself like most goals do.

I would rather have my husband than another house.  
Sigh...  I do love that palm tree in the front yard.
Maybe I can be happy about owning that.  

So yay, I own a beautiful palm tree.  
The tree I would look at while showering.  

Life is unfair.  

2 comments:

Missy said...

Your post breaks my heart. I have lurked on your blog for some time but never have posted. I am so sorry for your loss, its so not fair. I always feel so inadequate or like anything I say is inadequate. Hang in there and know there is someone in Missouri praying for you.

Supa Dupa Fresh said...

Oh honey, I hear you. (But it is a nice house).