The Martha Complex

I have a secret addiction.

At least it was a secret until now.

I love Martha Stewart.

Like absolutely adore her.

I record her show everyday.

I have some of her books.

I may be slightly obsessed.

I really would love to be like her.

She can turn a paper plate into a beautiful lamp shade.

She can whip up a fantastic healthy meal in five minutes.

She can decorate a cupcake to look like Santa.

She can make dandelions look like a $500 bouquet.

I love her.

I would love to live like her everyday and have my house look like hers everyday.

But I cannot unfortunately.

However, I do strive for perfection all the time.

I admit I am a perfectionist.

It is part of the whole control thing.

I want to be the best career person, homemaker, cook, cleaner, balanced, host, friend, healthy, and beautiful person.

And I want to do it all the time.

This did come up in our pre-marital counseling.

I was scared of being a bad wife.

Of not being June Cleaver or Martha Stewart.

I actually even cried about it.

But Roger was so accepting.

He was so reassuring.

So flexible and able to go with the flow.

Outside of counseling, he would say to me, "You are perfect for me."

And I would respond, "Yes, I am perfect" jokingly.

But in reality, Roger was perfect for me.

He was exactly what I needed.

He was like Martha.

And I miss my Martha.