Tuesday, March 10, 2009

What to expect

When people are pregnant, they have that book "What to expect when expecting".
I have skimmed through it once when I bought it for family and it was the best birth control ever.
But the book outlines each day and each step.
The expecting mother can figure out what is happening in her body and what is going on in her baby.

There are also a checklists for planning a wedding.
Martha has one.
The knot.
Modern Bride.
They all are a little different but they give a planning bride at least a place to start.

But there is no book for grieving.
No book to tell people how they will feel at each month.
At each day.
At each step of the way.
Nothing to tell people what do to when.
How to do things.
What to avoid or anything.
What to expect.

It is all just "Do what you can when you can."
"If it feels good, then its okay."

But I hate that.
I want rules.
I want a "what to expect when grieving" book.
I want to know how to do things.
There is not even a good list of who to call immediately after. 
Or what not to do financially or legally.
What is normal.
What is not normal and when to call the doctor or a best friend.  

And the one person who I might ask or lean on, no where to be found.
Damn him.
Damn him.  


Crash Course Widow said...

I know--it's maddening. I wanted one too. Hell, I bought a good dozen (or more) grief books, hoping for that magic one that would tell me exactly what I was searching for.

I never found it. Or at least not one, definitive, all-encompassing Bible of Grief. I found a few that were fabulous, though...but I found them all at a year or more out. Don't know if I would have been as orgasmically enthusiastic about them if I'd read them earlier, but who knows. I think I have my faves on my blog already (see here), but you can email if you want.

My two cents? Pretty much anything you're saying, thinking, or doing is normal. I'm not sure if there's anything that isn't normal, considering what you/we are all going through. But I'm no paid, trained professional, so who's to say? But if I was/am normal, you're normal, Star. ;o)


Mamie Hall said...

I think you should write this book. I'm sure your blog would be helpful for anyone grieving. I've even recommended it to a friend who lost his wife. Although I'm sure everyone deals with grief differently, but your blog entries do explain what you went/are going trough. I think you should write this book.