But at least in this one, I knew Roger was dead.
That is a good thing, right?
I carry Roger's driver's license in my wallet.
It rests behind mine.
It gives me comfort for it to be there.
Like he is with me.
I can see him whenever I want. I can see how we took that silly motorcycle class together and we both have our motorcycle endorsement.
I am not sure exactly when I got his license.
It was at some point during our days at the hospital.
But which day, I am not sure.
I am not even sure which person gave it to me or how they gave it to me.
I have also had my purse stolen before.
It is violating.
It is annoying.
But for me the part that sucked the most was the non-replaceable things, not so much the money or cell phone or keys.
The things I will never be able to get back like my address book I had for years, my yearbook editor business cards from high school (yeah, I was a dork even back then), and pictures were much more devastating.
This morning I woke up very suddenly from a very bad dream. I dreamt I was at a mall shopping with Holly and some other friends.
Roger was dead.
I ran into a high school boyfriend.
We started chatting and catching up.
We decided to hang out.
It was late in the day.
We were all leaving the mall and I decided to ride with my old boyfriend to wherever the group is going next.
As we were walking out, a thief walked up and wanted my purse.
I was scared.
I was pissed.
"Oh no! Why now? Why me?"
I handed my purse to the old boyfriend and asked the thief if I could please keep some things like my phone.
I ran to find Holly and the others.
The parking lot was full of thieves.
All of them were trying to take the purses of those leaving the mall.
The old boyfriend met back up with me.
He had most of my purse.
He let the thief take Roger's ID.
He let him take Roger's memory cards.
The fucking thief took Roger's ID. Evidence of his existence.
I started to cry.
"I will never get that back."
That is when I woke up.
I had to keep convincing myself that it was a dream.
Only a dream.
I still have Roger's ID.
But I will be removing it now.
I will put it somewhere safe.