Sunday, April 12, 2009

Love my life

This is going to sound weird.
This is going to be a shocker.
This is going to be going against the grain of what my entries are normally, but....
I looked around today and for a split instant I thought:
I love my life.
Yep, I, Star, love my sometimes-insane-sad-unfair life.

Yes, I miss Roger every day and every minute of my life. 
Every. Single. Second.  
And I always think of him in everything.  I do not say it much.  But I do.
I can always relate something someone says or does or that I do to him. But I refrain for saying everything that comes out of my head.
At least most of the time.

But I so wish he could be here.
I wish he could be enjoying his life right now.
I wish he could be enjoying the sun.
I wish he could be enjoying me.

As Sunday comes to a close, I think this past weekend has been so much fun. 
Real fun.
Real live fun.

I have such great friends.
And I have inherited some of Roger's friends which is so fun.
Not that they were not my friends as well before but they have not gone away.
They are still here.  
They still love me.
They look out for me.
And they will still help me.

And my friends... oh, I just love them.
I am so lucky. Yes, I just used me and lucky in the same sentence.  And I meant it.
Despite the shitty things that have happened to me in the last year (and oh my God I am getting close to the one year mark), they still help me have the best time that I can.

And they are happy for me when I am happy.
It is such a relief.  
Sometimes I have this little bit of fear they will not know what to do with me when I am happy. 
What to do with me when I scream "Boobies" as we take a group photo at a bar.
What to do with me as I flirt with a boy that is not Roger.
What to do with me as I talk about yet one more yummy guy I saw.
But they are still here.
They are helping me.
Guiding me.
Helping me move one inch at a time a little further.  
Maybe a centimeter at a time.  
But still here.
Still at my side.

1 comment:

Mamie Hall said...

I'm so happy for you that you are loving life. I'm trying hard to. It is not easy to love it all the time, but when we step back from things a bit (which I think the Easter season is always good for) we all see the ways we are blessed through our stresses.