Saturday, April 11, 2009

Rebirth

I love the feeling of spring.
The grass is turning green again.
The trees have leaves again.
Baby animals are appearing like bunnies.
Birds are back to chirping.  
It seems there is an energy around that is so contagious.  

And I think it has infected me.
I feel like I have been rebirthed.
I feel this girl inside me who is young.
And happy.  
And free.

I mean I was so sad for so long.  
A good six and half months.
I need this happiness.
I need this freedom.
I need to feel young and fun.  

I have found myself dressing nice again.
And getting compliments on it.
Wearing makeup.
And not being afraid that I will cry through it.  
Doing my hair.
Which is especially cool since I have been having my hair chemically straighten for a while now.
Since the night before the accident actually.
And it just looks so much better than my natural hair state.  

My grief counselor even asked me to start thinking what I still need from her.  
And I cannot really think of anything but I do like that it is part of my new normal.
My new routine.  I like having that hour to say anything.  To have someone look at the words I am choosing and help me navigate my new normal.
She feels I am capable of doing this thing called life on my own now.  
I am ready to be birthed into the real world.
Ready to re-enter the atmosphere.
Of course, I am not so sure.  
I am scared.
Like the baby bird flying on its own for the first time.
What if I fall?  
What if I can't do this on my own yet?  
It has only been seven and half months.  

But spring makes me feel like I can do anything.
Sort of.

3 comments:

Supa Dupa Fresh said...

Wow -- I don't know what to say. I'm sending you lots of love.

X

Supa

Missy said...

I am just so proud of you! You have really grown thru this process and I just want to tell you how much I enjoy your blog!

Pooja said...

I'm so happy for you to be able to feel this way. They say if there were no winter, spring would not be so pleasant...and this spring has certainly felt like the best one yet..