Monday, April 13, 2009

My Injuries

Sometimes people ask about my injuries from the accident.
And most times I feel silly talking about my injuries.
In comparison to losing Roger's life, my injuries seem insignificant.
Minute. Small.  Silly.
I feel like I am whining if I talk about them.

But unfortunately, my injuries stare at me every day.
The physical ones I mean.
And overall I am recovered.
Probably as much as I will be.
And really they are not a big deal to most people.
Some people do not notice them.
At least that is what they say.

The first picture is my right knee.
The day of the accident I thought it was broken.
But after many very uncomfortable x-rays of my leg being twisted into unnatural positions, it was determined it was only severely bruised.
However, the "only" bruise is permanent.
My doctor thinks it may fade in time but for now it is there.
I know most people do not notice it, but I do.
Every time I wear shorts or a skirt. There. It. Is.
No more beautiful legs.
No more perfect legs.
Roger and I both loved my legs before.
And I sort of still love them but it just annoys me to look them too closely.

The other side of the knee still has the loss of feeling on the outer layer of skin.  
It cannot be seen but while I drive, I cannot feel my leg touching the console.
It is quite an unusual feeling.
My doctor says it may return at some point but at least a year before I can even expect to feel it.

My left knee looks normal.
But its not normal feeling.   
I have huge knots just under the skin.  
Again, effects of permanent bruising and scar tissue built up.  
And when my two knees come together in certain positions... Oh my.  Pain. Pain. Pain.  

Then there is my wrist.
I miss my normal arm.
Along with my "normal" life.
In the accident, my tendon was partially severed.
As far as I can tell the tendon has healed and I can now put weight on it. 
Yay for push ups again!
But the scar, still there...
I put Mederma on it for several months after the accident and now it is just waiting time.
It is no longer swollen and the skin no longer puckers but I still see it.
Every day.
Every day all day long.

I have the same view as in the picture when I am looking at it normally but if I turn my arm just slightly, I see how the scar continues along the side of my arm.  
I do not have feeling on the top skin of the scar.
But the hair is finally laying down correctly.  
Mostly.  At least when I just look at it quickly and do not examine it closely.
I think the scar will fade.
Oh how I hope it will fade.  

Those are my remaining physical injuries.
I cannot really photograph the mental ones but they are healing slowly too.
Nor can I photograph the emotional ones.  
All in time.
All in time.

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