Sunday, April 5, 2009

Miracle Diet Part 2

I have been losing weight since our wedding.  
It was very slow at first.  
I lost five pounds between February and August.
Then between August and now, I have lost thirty.
It feels great.
No matter the fucked up reason, it feels great to be thinner.
To look at myself in the mirror and see a difference.
I know Roger would be proud of his sexy wife.

Compare the pics on the slideshow on the right to the one on this entry.  
The weight difference is really apparent in my face.
I am proud of myself.
I may not be able to control my life, but I can control my weight.
I can control what I eat.
I can control what I do not eat.
I can control what I look like.

It is a slightly expensive endeavor though.
I have to keep buying new clothes.
Today I bought my goal size.  
It is a bit tight but I will shrink into it.  
It is a skirt and my legs look awesome too.
Perhaps I should go another size smaller.

Some of my friends are thankful.
I keep giving clothes away to them.
Although part of me is scared to give away these clothes.
Part of me is scared to be fat again.  

I still want to lose eight to ten more pounds.
I want to look super hot.
I want to look irresistible.  
Part of it is related to having to start dating again.
At least in the future.
I know that I will need and want to be really cute again.
And I know I was cute before all of this.
Roger and I thought I was at least.

It is just part of me wants to look the absolute best.
To feel my absolute best.
To be able to walk into a room and people turn.
To have guys begging me for a date.

At least this whole "situation" has some benefit.


Rach said...

Good louck with those last few there are the hardest to lose.
I thought you looked so beutiful in all those pictures... And I hate to say but you dont look like you. But how could you after all this and the diet. You look very pretty. But it is that damn glow that went missing when he did. Keep at it. the glow will come. well back to my bed for 30 min its23 degrees in MN....

Crash Course Widow said...

Good for you!

Though I had a similar experience for a while after Charley died. I had a medical episode the last 2 months before Charley died and lost about 10 pounds, on top of an additional 10 pounds I lost from pregnancy and nursing. So when Charley died I was 20 pounds down from when I got married...something I loved once I felt well enough to appreciate it. But then he croaked, and I barely ate for 6 lo and behold, I managed to keep the weight off. But dang, I looked way too skinny...or else way too skinny compared to what I'd gotten used to looking like for 7 years or so. Getting back to end-of-high-school weight? It was fabulous. And like you, I thought it was great that at least widowhood was good for something (although it royally pissed me off that Charley wasn't here to appreciate it with me).

But...then I started being able to eat again (and remembering to eat), and I gained back about 10 pounds or back to where I was after having Anna, a weight I was really happy with. And for a year or two, I stayed there. But eventually, as the grief got worse, as I felt even worse, as my body & metabolism reacted to the changes wrought by going on and then going off antidepressants, and as I just didn't give a f*** anymore, it ballooned back up again. So now I'm about 40 pounds over the bottom of my grief-low weight, 15 pounds over when I got married, and 20-25 pounds over where I Iiked being best. And now it pisses me off that my weight couldn't be nice enough to stay aligned with the shit experiences of my life. I was teased for a while with losing weight and being super pleased with how I looked, but the cost was a lot of emotional pain. Now the pain isn't as strong but the weight went up. Bah. Not fair.

But I hope you have better luck, stamina, and fortitude than I've had. ;o) The Grief Diet and the Pregnancy/9-Pound-Baby Diet were great. The Depressed As Hell Diet? Yeah, that one was a complete bust. ;o) I keep telling myself I need to start caring about it now that I've moved, feel better, life isn't quite as chaotic, etc. etc...but we'll see.

Good luck to you! You look fantastic in the AND before!


Supa Dupa Fresh said...

Come on, you're always beautiful!

I am like Candice. Probably 20 lbs up from where I'd like to be, but it's been up and down in a similar fashion.

Being thin was good for dating, but I'm happier now. Fat and happy! Just me.

You look gorgeous in both sets of pictures... I even think I see a new glow beginning...



Rach said...

PLease read this and e mail me....
I am having some medical problems.
Where do I find jeans 14-16 that look good on a 5'5" girl?????

Rach said...

You know that was the most hateful thing that any one has ever done.... I just mentioned the glow from your face wasnt there when Roger was... I went thru the same thing 3 years ago and to have one of your friends e mail me that nasty e mail was horiffying. I am now looking at CML and having problems with my health. I felt for you so much knowing that roller coaster your are on. I am not creepy. I have beeen thru hell and back twice with accidents lost 2 loves of my life.... And now I am going thru CML.... Look it up!!! You and your friend have been very hurtfull......................
Pass this onto her also.......................

robyn said...

star you look AMAZING!