Friday, April 17, 2009

The Court System Failed Me

I know I wrote about the first time we went to court.
I do not think I wrote about the second time we went.
After the charges were dismissed the first time, the witnesses asked for the case to be reheard since not all of them had received a subpoena and they did not get to testify.
And since, the asshole's defense lawyer asked me, "How do you know this man was the driver? Did you see him driving the car?"
"Well no, I did not.  It was 5:30 in the morning" stupid bastard of a lawyer.
And in the moment, I did not care about the other driver as much as I cared about the man I loved who was not responding to me.  I cared about getting out of the car.
I cared about making sure we were going to live.
Why didn't your client make sure we were going to live?

Unfortunately/fortunately, the people who did see him get out of the car and driving the car were two cops.  And for their reasons, they could not make it the first court hearing.
And for whatever fucked up reasons, the judge decided the second hearing did not matter at all.

So the charges are still dismissed.
This fucked up asshole is still driving.
He is still on the roads.
The same roads as me.
He is probably even driving a new car.
Even if it is just new to him.

But me.
I used the money from my portion of settlement to live for the first few months until the insurance money came in.
I used Roger's portion to pay off credit cards from the estate, hospital bills, lawyer fees, and CPA fees.  
I am not raking in the dough from this accident.
Au contraire.  
I am dealing with a murderer who lives in the same town as me.
I am dealing with the loss of a spouse.
I am dealing with my own physical injuries.
I am dealing with a grief process.
I am dealing with post traumatic stress syndrome.
I am dealing with being a personal representative which is not fun.
I am dealing with letters from vultures offering me money for the estate.

And some people say to me, in order to try to make me feel better, "Oh he has to live with the guilt of murdering someone everyday."
Really?  That jerk feels guilt?
I highly doubt it.
I bet he does not feel any guilt.
If he did, he would have paid the tickets and never fought them.
He would have not sat behind me in court the first time talking about how his tires were not bald.
He would have tried in some way to talk to me and express his remorse.
But no.
He does not feel guilt.
He is going along with his life.
He is probably even celebrating.

The worse part is how invalidating it feels.
Like Roger was nothing.
Like I am nothing.
Like I am not protected by the government.
No, only assholes are protected by the government.
Not me.

So go on with your life you fucking scum.  
Go on and enjoy your family.
Enjoy your wife.
Enjoy your new car.

And Karma, I wish you existed.  I really do wish but I know you do not.


Supa Dupa Fresh said...

This SUCKS. My friend Vivi has had a similar thing; her husband was run over by a speeding car, on their residential street, in front of their kids, and the legal system has failed her totally.




Missy said...

Star I have been following your blog for some time now. I have felt so inadequate to post but today I just felt the need to. I want to say I am so so sorry for everything that you have been thru. The justice system has failed you miserably, in fact even worse than that. It's wrong and I just don't understand how this murderer can be in the public, let alone driving! You are right, he doesn't give a rats ass, doesn't feel remorseful, because if he did he would be kissing your ass, telling you how sorry he was for all of the pain he has caused. Karma DOES exist, I believe that. We never know when it comes around but I do believe that some day he will have to face His maker. I am just so sorry and wish I could just give you a hug, take you to lunch, just talk with you! Stay strong and keep journaling/blogging your feelings. I enjoy reading you!

J-in-Wales said...

Star, like Missy I have been reading your blog for some time without commenting, but the anger and despair that shouts out from every word of this post just moved me so much. But it leaves me feeling totally inadequate to find a suitable response. All I can do is send you much love and support from the other side of the pond. Stay strong.

J xxx

Kerline Docteur said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kerline Docteur said...

Thank you for letting us into your life and reading your thoughts...

I am shocked that there is not justice from the justice system on this! It's not fair and I know writing on here is not going to make the situation better. Karma exists and you pay for everything you did while you are on this earth.

I am so sorry it is panning out this way. I pray that God continues to give you strength and direction.

Kathleen said...

That sucks. Our justice system is set up to protect the rights of the irresponsible, criminal, remorseless jerks out there. I cannot even imagine what it must be like to live near this guy and know that he is driving on the same streets. Keep posting and letting your story be known...hopefully things will change one day.