The Court System Failed Me

I know I wrote about the first time we went to court.

I do not think I wrote about the second time we went.

After the charges were dismissed the first time, the witnesses asked for the case to be reheard since not all of them had received a subpoena and they did not get to testify.

And since, the asshole's defense lawyer asked me, "How do you know this man was the driver? Did you see him driving the car?"

"Well no, I did not.  It was 5:30 in the morning" stupid bastard of a lawyer.

And in the moment, I did not care about the other driver as much as I cared about the man I loved who was not responding to me.  I cared about getting out of the car.

I cared about making sure we were going to live.

Why didn't your client make sure we were going to live?

Unfortunately/fortunately, the people who did see him get out of the car and driving the car were two cops.  And for their reasons, they could not make it the first court hearing.

And for whatever fucked up reasons, the judge decided the second hearing did not matter at all.

So the charges are still dismissed.

This fucked up asshole is still driving.

He is still on the roads.

The same roads as me.

He is probably even driving a new car.

Even if it is just new to him.

But me.

I used the money from my portion of settlement to live for the first few months until the insurance money came in.

I used Roger's portion to pay off credit cards from the estate, hospital bills, lawyer fees, and CPA fees.  

I am not raking in the dough from this accident.

Au contraire.  

I am dealing with a murderer who lives in the same town as me.

I am dealing with the loss of a spouse.

I am dealing with my own physical injuries.

I am dealing with a grief process.

I am dealing with post traumatic stress syndrome.

I am dealing with being a personal representative which is not fun.

I am dealing with letters from vultures offering me money for the estate.

And some people say to me, in order to try to make me feel better, "Oh he has to live with the guilt of murdering someone everyday."

Really?  That jerk feels guilt?

I highly doubt it.

I bet he does not feel any guilt.

If he did, he would have paid the tickets and never fought them.

He would have not sat behind me in court the first time talking about how his tires were not bald.

He would have tried in some way to talk to me and express his remorse.

But no.

He does not feel guilt.

He is going along with his life.

He is probably even celebrating.

The worse part is how invalidating it feels.

Like Roger was nothing.

Like I am nothing.

Like I am not protected by the government.

No, only assholes are protected by the government.

Not me.

So go on with your life you fucking scum.  

Go on and enjoy your family.

Enjoy your wife.

Enjoy your new car.

And Karma, I wish you existed.  I really do wish but I know you do not.