Sanibel Island

This is one my regrets.  

I had kind of forgot about it until the other day when a blog I follow mentioned she had gone there.

And of course, like other random emotions and memories, thoughts with a tad bit of guilt emerged.

Some guilt that I had already dwelled on a bit before.

Last summer, Roger's mom wanted to go on a family vacation.

And although I was trying to plan it, I just could not find an ideal time, an ideal place, and an ideal price.  

And we put it off.

Like I tell everyone else who comes to me with their guilt regarding some aspect dealing with Roger, we did not know.

No one knew we would be in a serious accident.

No one knew Roger would die.

No one knew the future.

But still... the feelings are there.

I cannot give myself the same hall pass I give to everyone else.

I cannot remember the last time Roger saw his mom.

I think it was May last year before Mother's Day.

I do not think we even went down for Grace's birthday, Roger's, or his mom's.  

It was not uncommon for us to go months with a trip to Miami or for his family not to make a trip up to Orlando.  

It was not common however for us to miss so many birthdays with them.

We thought we had tons of time.

We thought we had years.

I remember Roger coming to me.

Telling me of his mother's wish.

Telling me how much she wanted to have a family vacation with her children and me.

She wanted a beach weekend.

She wanted to go to Naples or Fort Myers or Sanibel Island.

The same place they vacationed as a family when Roger was growing up.

We postponed it.

"Perhaps September when things calm down for us."

"Wait till we have a little bit more money."

Wait wait wait... and yet she did not get what she wanted.

We waited too long.

And part of me blames myself.

Sigh.