Sometimes

Sometimes I have this weird half daydream half fantasy where the accident never occurred.
And I can see us waking up on Saturday, August 23rd together.
Our six month anniversary.
Not Roger never waking up and not me waking up with Holly next to me.
Not that I am ungrateful to Holly.
She was fabulous for not letting me be alone.
And I am very very thankful for that.

But Roger and I are together.
And I am uber excited that it is our six month anniversary.
I wake Roger up and say "Do you know what day it is?"
And he says "Of course. It is six months from the best day of my life."
Or if he wanted to be funny he would give some other weird answer like "Saturday, the day you woke me up earlier than I wanted to be."

And we are in a big comfy bed.
The room is decorated like most bed and breakfasts.
Flowers on the bed.
Wallpaper on the walls.
A fireplace on the right side of the bed.
A quilt hanging nearby.

Roger is sleepy.
He just wants to go back to sleep.
But I want to go do something.
"Let's go eat breakfast."
And he will grumble back at me.

But then, I have to come back to reality.
I have to face that did not happen.
That will never happen.
I will never wake up next to him.
He will never wake up next to me.

But what does get me through the day is that someday I will wake up next to someone else.
Not a cat.
Not Gizmo.
Not Gadget.
But a real human being of the male gender.